Only time can tell..

Dear readers,

Tonight is going to be a pleasent night, for I am going to be talking about my current life, my choices, and my choices to come. In a nutshell of course. I don't want you to pass out at the key board now. I find it quite miraculous how the state of mind can work sometimes. You can instantly change your mind of opinion from one thing to another in a second. Many might be about an individual they like or dislike, or even the colour of the shoes on display they prefer, but mine is something also very common in young woman my age. Alright, I'll include men too. We go through time to time changing, questioning ourselves, what we wanted, what we want now and what we want in the moments to bloom. So where do I begin?

For those who are my dearest friends, know that in the past months I've changed my life decisions every so often, which always left me in the position after "My Plan" didn't go through of where I tended it to go. My thoughts and I stood still, not abling to put one foot in front of the other until something else came along. I've been pretty much left in the gutter, hoping that the rain comes down in on me, and swishes me away. Metaphorically speaking. But lately, all those thoughts and plans that I had for myself from the past to now, went away. I've had a feeling deep down in my heart that there was only one place where I could go, where I belonged. I've told myself I was going to go to Hillsong in Austrailia all the way to to Bethel in Redding, Calfornia to continue my desire for more God. But none of those felt right. None of them felt just as right as it did right before I left for the School of Ministry in the fall of 2009.

I've been struggling with my relationship with God ever since I got back from the school earlier this year. I was away from experiencing the real world for myself during the time I was in school, so that once I was back for good in the city I grew up in, it was different. Everything in that school was magical. His holy presense in that place was thick and heavy, and I couldn't help it but feel my soul at peace. It was nothing I've ever felt before. His love covered me completely that I felt safe to face anything to come my way, without any reason to hide. But I lost a bit of that assurance in myself to do so through time. I almost felt completely alone at first, but slowly saw myself get sucked in the world I knew perfectly before rather than becoming a part of the warriors of Christ Himself.

I kept on turning back and forth to the choice of attending SoM (School of Ministry) once more. But the thought of my life that I started here held me back. I was so comfortable with the life that I begun here that the thought of going back and then coming back to the city once more scared me. I didn't want to go through the process of dealing with my emotions again, and going through the fear of showing my true feelings and looking vulnerable.

Time flew by, and I was still stuck, trapped in a battle between good and evil, but God has rencently met me with a choice to put on my heart. A choice that the prophecies would come true. A choice where I would be myself. A choice to keep me from harm. A choice that only God can determine what's right instead of wrong. He left me with a choice that has been on my heart, and that for a very long time I couldn't face it. A choice to be with Him again. So you might wonder what this choice could be, but its a choice for Him to determine the right time to open the door for me to go right through. And as of now, His time could only hold the right path for destiny.

Schoolf of Ministry, spring 2011. Here I come.