Leaning Towards Golden Steps

I thought this was cute

BECOME THE INFLUENCER AND NOT THE IN-FLUENCY.

That's by far the number one rule in my book of leadership -- which has been over spoken upon my life several times. Prophetically to be said. I recently found in myself a great deal of leadership arising from beneath which was encouraged by bursting confidence for others and of who I'm becoming as a women.

They say that true happiness is just not singly owned, but shared amongst others. Having to see individuals around you who are just as joyful as you are, situate's yourself in the greatest state of mind. Seeing dear friends of mine for the imaginable first time that has passed away, brought a exasperating fear to the table. I was thinking to myself what they would think of the decisions I've made for myself before I saw them for the first time again.

I once felt identified as 'inadequate' to their particular social scene, hidden under the shame I carried. I felt what I was starting to see myself get into, especially coming out from a school bubbled into a little world that isn't reality, was something I was not made to be doing. I came to my home town lost, conflicted of the social scenes around me. After all, amused. Realized that I'm no longer looked upon fellow individuals as an object set on this earth to change the outlook of how I am made to shake the nation, but I'm slowly becoming the women God feared. This is a large step of faith to be blogging, confessing about personal thoughts and experiences, but I had a great feeling within me that maybe one day someone will come across it and can bond particular events that has happened in their lives, with mine and to feel that they were or are never alone. In my case, I've been told many times that it's hard leaving SoM, due to it's enclosed environment that I've been upon. I became the in-fluency, the follower, or such names that made the shame grow beyond my control. It really wasn't what I had in mind, but sadly, I went down such a road. I can boldly say that beyond my pride, I gave in too easily to Satan.

I could remember keeping myself busy (B=busy U=under S=satans Y=yoke : Carole Arnott) so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain and sadness within. Until one day, I hit the a local bar with several friends of mine, and it just clicked! literally. Meaning that I just suddenly didn't have the urge to even be in the bar or even finish the one bottled beer I had that night. God spoke to me that very moment and left in an instant, along with taking that bit of shame that I was carrying by my side. I felt secured again, forgetting that I was protected and looked upon. Now I'm not going to lie, and explain what seems to be written, over-exaggerated, but it came to thought that maybe I would be lying if I told you that I didn't hit a local bar ever since, but I learnt or as I would say "passed the phase" of going to just bars as social events to spend with friends, instead of pursuing to be doing something else.

I took a break from those scenes and I had plenty of time to think, apart from seeing them at all. It was a clean break from the influences that were affecting me. I truly believe that I matured and grew more responsibility; I've become different. Happier and much more confident.

I now have a part of my heart filled with joy and hope to come for them by hearing how they were doing since than. One of them was growing out of drinking a lot into becoming more civil, and well the others were doing awesome. I couldn't help myself for smiling cheek to cheek, along with giggles here and there when they were quickly speaking over each other, all eager to tell me what I have missed. I felt a specific worthiness for the time being, which brought me warmth.

I thought to myself that this could be the time to bring up hope within them and to let them know that I was so proud of them. Thrilled to have seen their response of when I actually told them that. Just saying that I was proud of them, felt different. I don't usually say it verbally, cause I always let everyone know in another way. A different vibe was set to the table, when such a word was presented. I could see hope and worth in their eyes. I can tell instantly that they felt different. It amazes me sometimes how expressing how I felt towards them, can affect them drastically in a moment's passed.

Further speaking courage upon them made me feel as if they were looking up towards my word. towards the grace God had for me shinning down for them. It's incredible how God can use us like that. It just doesn't bring an uprising feeling for them, but also for I. It surely brings a worth and purpose emotion upon my way when times aren't looking up. It's his mercy towards us that makes us feel loved, and it's his love that makes us feel completely ravished for who we are and who we are going to become.