Riding the Wheels of my Thoughts.

As a place I would like to call 'riding the wheels of my thoughts' are generated and taken place on city buses. Odd, I know. It's a place where I find myself at thought the most. Where my thoughts been taken to newer levels, dreams burst out of it's inner box and brings hope, and usually life decisions at their hardest defeat my natural ability to live my life by a called 'normal' day schedule; I find myself riding the wheels of my thoughts. A wheel that turns round and round, slowing and raising speed. Out of a sudden hits the brakes, having everybody, anybody, on the bus gasp and have the natural reaction to look forward of search. I hit those brakes -- sometimes hard, sometimes gently. Until I find my myself come to the realization of what's in front of me. Thoughts. Blurring every visible window looking throughout the horizon making it unclear. Panic irrupts to the greater thought of uncertainty.

I found myself taking the city bus today, at the thought of adventure. I lead one foot in front of the other up the steps, looking around my surroundings, until a viewed seat stuck out. The sun was shinning bright, lowering it's altitude in the sky slowly, along with a calm breeze that tickled the side of my neck. I took a seat, closed my eyes, inhaled a deep breath, and opened the doors to my imagination. One that shined brighter than the rest defined the place where my heart is at right now. A scene of a sad melody playing the background, and wishful thinking comes stirring to bring hope to satisfy a need that doesn't last. As I looked outside, taking memory of the beauty around me, I catch my eyes focusing on the sun above, and the sun only. The bright interior and darker exterior, warmed my body in the chills of my thoughts. I strati-size ways I can keep my eyes focused towards the sun without looking away by the passing trees. It was as if I was searching for answers from the one thing that started time as a visible platform of stone thousands of years ago. I found a deeper value instead. A value that spoke to me about where my heart is struggling.

Keep your eyes focused on me; nothing in this world could satisfy.

This sentence may mean to many just as simple as it's read and misunderstood , but for I, It struck to me as the answer I was waiting for. For when I made that clear to myself, the sun looked brighter, temperature was warmer, and the breeze gently passed, kissing my cheeks. It was than I was assured of what just occurred.

With iPod on sync, I heard a immediate tune that brought inspiration of what I've been going through. Hope for what's next. Hope to come for me. It was Brooke Fraser's track "C.S. Lewis Song" that I was listening to. The lyrics goes as this.

If i find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the felsh that i fight is at best only light and momentary,
then ofcourse I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am i lost or just found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
An avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming

The realization became more crisp in my mind how desires of this world can distract myself, or anyone who let's it. It's a weapon not seen, but felt in our minds and hearts. They leave us with guilt, shame, unworthiness, and uncertainty of ourselves. It's a battle that happens everyday between us. It's our choice that leads us to our finial destination. We may not see it coming, but he's disguised waiting to pull our flesh down along to join him further and further into a sinful world we walk into, calling it home.

We are not perfect, we go up and than we fall down. It's defiantly the ride of our lives. With that note, I'm battling against myself to not fall alseep onto my laptop. So to further adieu, I'm off to bed waving my white flag.